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Posting PSAT memes becomes punishable by jail time

Satire

PSAT memes such as this one mocking the College Board are often shared on social media.

Zoey Phillips and Anna Fedorova

PSAT memes such as this one mocking the College Board are often shared on social media.

Katie Dwyer, Writer

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The College Board has just issued new policies about the creation and sharing of the Preliminary Scholastic Aptitude Test content on social media. College Board President, David Coleman, has worked alongside President Donald Trump to create a new law that incarcerates students for least five years of prison for sharing the content on the test. The law was passed on November 1, 2018.

Students, after taking the test, share content through social media in the form of “memes,” funny images that go viral through internet users. Their sentence will depend on the College Board’s Analysis on how amusing each meme is as well as the presiding judge’s opinion.

“This new policy is needed for the success of the PSAT and our students,” said Coleman. “Sharing of these Memes is unethical and sometimes can give students the upper hand. This why President Trump and I have created this new law. It makes sure that everyone is on an equal playing field.”

In the past, students have gotten past the College Board’s rules when creating memes through tactics such as blocking them on social media. However, President Trump has supplied the College Board with “skilled” Russian hackers in order to determine who is sharing content.

“We had to take extreme measures to make sure that no memes were being created,” said Trump. “We have one Russian assigned to every student who took the PSAT. They have been trained to notify me or David Coleman if one is posted, shared, or commented on. From there, they will be prosecuted in a court of law and the Jury will perform the meme analysis and give the student a sentence.”

More than 100,000 students have been arrested and are being persecuted for the crime. Of those students, 200 of them were from Grady. Junior Kerry Hutchinson has been recently sentenced to 14 years in prison because of a viral meme she posted to Twitter.

“This law may be harsh, but it was needed,” said mother Lee Hutchinson. “Kerry knew what she was doing was wrong. I’ll admit, the meme was kind of funny, but sharing that kind of information is unacceptable. I will miss her and her light humor while she is in jail.”

This new law has not only been enforced through the government but also through school officials. Grady Principal, Dr. Betsy Bockman, has held six assemblies every day for each grade in order to properly explain every detail of the law. Bockman has also created a new school rule that prohibits the use of the word “meme” at school.

“Grady will not tolerate the action of sharing PSAT, forgive me, memes,” said Bockman. “I have found that by eliminating the use of the ‘M’ word, meme, has caused the production of them to decrease by 2 percent.”

Multiple protests have broken out in the aftermath of this law. Many Grady students have attended them hoping to have the law repealed.

“I actually went to one of the protests,” sophomore Sunny McDonney said. “PSAT memes were the only reason why I took the test. Taking away our right to post those memes is like taking away my will to live.”

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Katie Dwyer, Writer

Katie enjoys playing lacrosse and swimming. She is a member of the Grady Mock Trial team, lacrosse team, Latin club, and beta club.

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